Three Adjustments I'd Love

Admittedly these things won't change the world that much, but they'd all make my life a little more pleasant. I'm betting they'd make yours better too.

1.) If a fighter comes to the ring wearing a stupid mask or headpiece and he gets knocked out in his fight, he should apologize publicly for the fashion statement and agree never to wear the offending outfit again.

2.) If Max Kellerman persists in referring to professional prizefighters as "superheros," "action figures," and "gladiators," he should be forced to wear shorts, a clean tee shirt with a teddy bear on it, and a beanie cap with a working propeller instead of getting to wear Daddy's clothes. Obviously Kellerman is a boy, not a grown man. He may as well begin dressing like one.

3.) It's time to get rid of Michael Buffer. We've endured decades of hearing this silly peacock's endless trademark phrase. That was intolerable. But he's recently added an intro to his intro: "Now it's time for the most famous phrase in boxing history." That's like Elton John or Billy Joel or Yanni starting their fucking concerts by saying, "Now it's time to hear the greatest pianist the world has ever known." The statement is not only untrue, it's also something deeply unseemly. The motherfucker is an announcer, for god's sake.